He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
