my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
