I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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