Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
