Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
