she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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