I wish you could order shots online.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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