dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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