My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
