Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
