i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
