Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
