You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
