Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
