I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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