We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
