How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
