she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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