i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
