Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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