Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
