You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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