who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
