i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
