Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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