Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
