you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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