I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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