I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
