Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
