erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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