Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
