my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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