if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
