i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
