Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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