It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
