It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
