I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
