im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize