spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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