I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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