i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
