Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
