Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have feelings that need drinking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
