Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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