Nicole vs. Life
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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