its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
