thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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