I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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