Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
