I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
