Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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