I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
