he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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