I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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