my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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