After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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