Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
