i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
